Wednesday, October 11, 2006 I go.....

I am a thirty-something adoptee, living most of my life in Sydney - now living in Canberra.

Briefly - I was adopted from birth, my adoptive parents already had two bio kids - girl 14 yrs/boy 13 yrs when I was born, and they wanted to adopt a boy sometime after me.
Adoptive father died in helicopter crash days before my 1st b'day - putting a stop to any more adoptions - and a dampener on any possible 1st b'day celebrations...........

For the next 14 years we were a very close family - but when I started to ask too many questions about my bio family - it was made clear to me that it upset my a-mum, and so I became quiet. All in all - and apart from the confusion of "who am I" that reared it's head from time to time - I have many happy memories of my youth.

A nasty step-father (who had always been on the scene) married a-mum when I was 15.
A few messy years followed. (teenage years - what can I say........)
Then a-mum died when I was almost 19 - from breast cancer.

Always have been very close to both my a-sister and a-brother............and have never been treated by them as the "adopted" one. Our love for one-another is unconditional - and I love that they are in my life.

I married my wonderful husband at 21.
At 25 - pregnant with first child - decided that my mum was not coming to find me - so I started my search.
Adoptee dream of "mum only ever having me - and always regretting adoption" shattered - found that I had a sister - born 5 years BEFORE me - also adopted out in Sydney.

After receiving a small amount of info from the Dept of Community Services - and finding a "Veto" on file from my sister towards all "birth-family" - found that I really wasn't ready to find out any more - so buried said info in a file, and "tried to get on with my life".

Fast forward to 2005 - was involved in a rather large car accident - I started to take stock of my life - and realised that more searching was required - and I really had to start acknowledging that there really was a HUGE elephant always standing in my living room - and I had to deal with that which had always been shoved into the "later" pile.

I've found my mum - she married 6 months after my birth (no confirmation if this is my father)(ETA: yes - he is my father!!!), and she has since had 2 sons and another daughter. (all now in their 30's)
I have written more than 7 letters - I have received only 1.
She's not coping well with my finding her - and even after promising to give me some info after 6 months or so - it's been over 18 months since her one and only letter.

I have recently bitten the bullet and written to my 3 siblings - "outing" myself to them as another family member - and although I have heard nothing from them - they have told their parents that I have written. A few weeks ago I received a letter from my mum's husband - stating that she still is not coping very well - but agrees that more contact should be made to me so that I don't feel that I have been totally forgotten.

In the meantime - I at last found my older sister (also adopted) late last year - and had first contact in April this year. That re-union is just GREAT - and I shall write more about that later.
She had NO idea about me - and placing the Veto was purely a knee-jerk reaction when the laws changed in the early 90's.

I have been reading many blogs of late - since I was introduced to the world of BLOG at University this year. (1st year teaching degree - must keep oneself busy so that one doesn't THINK too much about personal matters!!! LOL)
I have decided to try this out - and see where it takes me.
Wish me luck!!!

Thanks for listening.

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Blogger amelia said...

Hi Chez,
Your blog looks much nicer than the one i set up for everyone in our class! Well done.

11/10/06, 3:09 pm  
Blogger said...

Wow, an aussie. So glad you have your sister that is wonderful.

Don't agree with the Veto, I am glad my daughter didn't place one.

Adding you to my links.

Welcome to the blogosphere.

22/12/06, 6:53 am  
Blogger Nina said...

Hello from Northern California!

Just finding your blog. How wonderful to find a sister!!! And how cool that you posted such a great photo! You two look so relaxed and happy! I'll link to you soon.

7/1/07, 3:41 pm  
Blogger In Reunion said...

lovely. truly lovely. will read you. - suz (thanks for the link)

9/1/07, 9:29 am  
Blogger chez said...

Hi Kim, Nina & Suz,
Thanks so much for taking the time to drop by.
Have been enjoying your blogs a great deal.
Just happy to know that I'm not alone!!

17/1/07, 11:42 am  
Blogger angel said...

Hi Chez

Thanks so much for your best wishes for my reunion (aaahhh!), I look forward to sharing my journey with you.

I'm sorry to hear you lost your a-mum when you were younger. I did too a few years ago. We both sound like we've experienced similar things in our lives, in that we obviously are going through all the things an adoptee does, that we both have left it to our 30's, we have a special unconditional love with our a-siblings. And probably much more..

I'll write more soon, but am happy you have met your biological sister and things are going well there.


18/1/07, 4:42 pm  
Blogger Third Mom said...

Hello, I just found your blog from Suz and Rebecca, and wanted to say welcome to the blog world. I'm an adoptive mother who is trying to understand adoption through eyes other than my own, and it's brought me into contact with some amazing people. I'm looking forward to catching up on your story, and reading more.

24/1/07, 11:39 am  
Blogger chez said...

Alex - thanks so much for stopping by. I look forward to hearing more as your reunion unfolds.

Third Mom - thankyou also for dropping in and saying hello. I'm very new at this blogging phenom - but it's been great to find so many others with feelings similar to my own.

Hugs to you both.

24/1/07, 12:20 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow Poss! What a story and a half!!
So glad I found your blog.

26/8/08, 11:41 am  

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