Gone To A Good Home - AGAIN !!

Additional information for those interested in the Australian documentary -
Gone To A Good Home -

1. For those wishing to purchase this documentary on DVD or VHS - in your applicable format - please visit - Film Australia.

2. It's being aired yet AGAIN in Australia - SBS - Friday 26th October - at 2:30pm.

Catch it if you can.

And please spread the word.

Poss. xxx

Why Don't ALL Adoptive Parents Get It?

The wonderful Adoptee Forum that I participate in has a new member of late - an adoptive parent - one who has shared with us stories of her journey with her two young adoptee's - as they struggle with the effects of being separated from their first families.

This adoptive parent has a blog - titled - All My Children.
(Edit: sadly this blog has now been taken down)

On the Adoptee Forum - there was a discussion on what peoples thoughts were on changes that we believe should be made to adoptions - as they stand in most countries today.

This new member made some GREAT suggestions - even more impressive - the fact that they came from an adoptive parent.

She has allowed me permission to cut and paste her thoughts - I hope they make someone out their really THINK about some of the issues that so many never even DREAM about - especially when they're blinded by the desire to just get a child - and usually at any price.

Adoptive parents need to be prepared for many things and here is my list:

1. Deal with your infertility....NOW
2. Do not think adopting a child is the answer to your grief due to your infertility.
3. Stop reading happy adoption blogs. Read blogs by adoptees so you can better understand what your son or daughter will be experiencing.
4. Ask yourself...can I really accept that this child has a real live true mother that will always be a part of her whether I ever have the opportunity to know or meet them during our life together.
5. Ask yourself....can I love my child for who SHE or HE is without trying to make them into a mini me.
6. Ask yourself.....do you understand that the adoption of this child is totally based on LOSS for the first mom and the child.
7. Ask yourself...do you have the empathy and the tools to help navigate your child through their loss's and grief.
8. Read, read, read, and learn, learn, learn. Do you understand the inner life of an adopted child? Probably not unless you were adopted yourself. It doesn't matter if you have a second cousin or friend of a friend of a friend who was adopted and they 'turned out just fine'. What matters is that you are prepared to bless YOUR child by being knowledgeable and prepared for the road ahead. Don't take adoption lightly. Don't get caught up in thinking 'ahhh...we've reached the solution to making our family and now we can just relax and enjoy.

There's more I can come up with but this is it for now.

Seriously - thought provoking stuff.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if adoptive parents would really think hard about the effects their actions would have on their young adoptees.

It's not about fulfilling YOUR needs - it has to be IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD.

Gone To A Good Home

For all those peeps reading here that are residing in the wonderful land of OZ - there is a NOT TO BE MISSED documentary being aired on SBS Television - 14th September (next Friday) - at 7:30pm.

Many of my dear first-mum friends at Origin's Australia were involved with the making of this doco - and it really is worth seeing.
(I even ordered a copy of it on DVD - it's THAT good!!!)

Here's a little about the doco -

SBS - 14 Sep 07 - 07:30 pm

Gone To A Good Home

For three decades, from the 1950s to the 1970s, Australian authorities pressured many unmarried mothers to give their babies up for adoption. These women were unaware of their legal rights. In 1967 Lily was almost 17 and two months pregnant, living happily with her boyfriend Steve. Police arrested her, declaring she was in moral danger. Despite having parental permission to marry, the couple were kept apart, and Lily was confined in a Catholic girls' home until the baby was born. Alone and confused, she was manipulated into signing adoption papers. Some of these young women were coerced - and even drugged.
(Commissioned by SBSi, in English) (Documentary) (Rpt) PG CC WS

Pass the news around if you can.

When it first aired on SBS (I think it was last year) they held a discussion on the SBS forum - and the response was quite amazing. Mum's and adoptees were coming out from all over OZ - voicing their secret desire to search for their lost ones.

It saddens me that so many think that they'll not allowed to - or perhaps - unworthy of - searching for those that they will always be a part of.

I'm hoping they'll hold another similar discussion next week.

Poss. xxx

Love And The Adoptee

Question:

When you adopt a kid, don't they just grow up to love their real parents more than you? So what's the point?

My Answer:

The whole misconception with adoption & adoptees - lies in the stories of which parent the adoptee loves most.

I have 3 kids - do I love one child more than the others - NO.

The human heart is capable of loving many.

If the adoptive parents love their adoptee - and allow their adoptee to love everyone they care about in their lives - an adoptee has plenty of space to love all - including both sets of parents.

The problem lies with those adoptive parents that treat their adoptees as material possession - stating that they must love their adoptive parents above all others - and not letting their adoptees make up their own minds.

As parents - whether biological or adoptive - we are in charge of our children until they reach adulthood.
If we have done a good job - been fair - loved them without question - then - and only then - will they love us back.
If we have f*cked up - they'll run from us as fast as they can.

Yes - adoptees have a link to their biological parents - some choose to find it - some do not - but it does exist.

If adoptive parents perceive some kind of 'unfairness' with the balance of love - then - perhaps they're being a little selfish and unrealistic about how love should work.

Those adoptees that I know - that have had full support to seek out their biological roots - ultimately have a greater respect and love for their adoptive parents than of those that would behave differently.

It's not a competition.

Adoption should be about "IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD" - not about controlling another human being for the rest of their natural lives.