Monday, April 30, 2007

The Power A Mother Holds

I've been introduced to the Blog of PostSecret recently by new blogging Aussie adoptee at 'Life of an Adult Adoptee' - and I added it to my Bloglines feed.
People send in their secrets on home made postcards for all the world to see.

This postcard above (on an older post) spoke volumes to me - as it reminded me of all the times I wanted to confide in my adoptive mother - to reach out to her - to be heard and to be understood.

But she shot me down in flames the first time - so I never felt brave enough to ever try it again.

Mothers (and fathers) hold so much power over their children.

Children who only want to be loved and accepted - for just the beautiful little people that they are.

I NEVER want my kids to feel that sadness that I felt.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

An Upgrade And Some Growing Up

Well - Welcome to my updated digs!!

A VERY talented lady, by the name of Chesty LaRue, designed this wonderful template for me - and yes - those pics are of a younger - more angelic - me!!!

When I found and scanned in these photos, I was thinking about how happy I looked in them - and it made me think a lot about my youth.
Yes, I had a wonderful childhood. I was surrounded by oodles of love. It was mostly all good.

So why the unhappiness at times in my blog??

I am happy outside of this blog - but this is my place to dump.

This is where I have thankfully found others that travel this sad & rough road of displacement that I feel.
I was taken from my family - apparently for my own good. But I was never asked my opinion.
I was never asked if I would mind.
I was just made to feel grateful - and told to be happy with the life that was changed forever by a decision that was not one of my own.

I've heard many comments of late about 'angry adoptees'. Comments that often say that those of us that outwardly show our anger, either in our words or in our actions - MUST have had a horrible childhood - or a horrible adoption experience.

But there are more and more of us turning up in blog-land...........and many of our stories have a similar 'ring' to them. Themes and experiences that are too alike to dismiss.
Adoptees that live all over the world, that are rejoicing in the knowledge that we are not freaks. We are not alone in the feelings we feel.
Some lives that have been less fortunate than others (the only pool I got was the one shown up the top!!!), while some have had all that they should want - and more.

But there lies my point - SHOULD.

Often, we are asked to justify our discontent - when we obviously received many things that others would have only dreamed about.
(I'd be rich if I was payed a dollar for every time I heard "I wish I was adopted" from yet another unsuspecting soul.)
We had parents who wanted us more than they could bare.
We were given material possessions, good educations, overseas holidays, and enough love to fill endless container loads.
But that love was/is so often given with conditions - in secret, small, unreadable ink.
Conditions that are just a secret adoption thing.
Conditions that 'real' children mostly are never made to feel.
Conditions we, as the baby, were never explicitly told, let alone agreed to - ones that held us tight till the end of our days.
Conditions that spoke of adoptees being ungrateful if they didn't praise their parents for saving them from the unknown.
Conditions that never allow the adoptee to grow up and have opinions of their own.

We were often adopted to fill a need. Adopted because our parents couldn't become parents in the normal, easy way.
Most adoptive parents have to jump through hoops - they say - just to bestow their lives on a little one that is deemed less fortunate than themselves. But how dare they say that their lives are better than another's - just because they say??

What of the amazing acrobatics that we adoptees have to perform to keep pleasing everybody - as we live in constant fear that those that we care for will leave us without notice.
Damn - we even try to please those we barely know - because we've been instructed by everyone in society to be forever grateful for whatever is bestowed upon us.

The truth - our heritage, our family, our kin - have been ripped from us. We do not have those that will mirror our very being. We will always be made to feel the freak.
Yet we have to be thankful for all time that it was done in our best interest?!

Sadly adoptees seem to be always classed as the 'child' - a minor - that should just shut up - be quiet - be grateful - sit down.
We seem to never grow up in people's eyes. Our opinion is often simply pushed aside, as crazy, or uneducated, or just plain worthless and taking up time.

Well, I'm now all grown up and thinking for myself. And I'm now forming opinions which are my own. I'm taking my first tentative steps into finding out what I do and don't like. And I think that I have a right to be heard.

Everyone has a right to their own opinion (even us ungrateful adoptees) - don't dismiss mine just because it doesn't fit nicely with your own.

To all those that encourage and assist me - thank you. You inspire me - and give me strength - to carry on in my search - both for my family - and for my self.

Poss. xx

Updated to add - PLEASE go and read this - 'Relinquishment vs Adoption' - over at 'Paragraphein'. It's a really good post.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Do Our Blogs Really Make A Difference ???

I think that many of us wanting a change in current adoption practices want to know sometimes that someone out their in the internet world might be really learning from what we have to say???

Well check out this email MSP (Mum Seeking Peace) received the other day.

It certainly made me smile.

Poss. xx

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Bring Baby Evelyn Bennett Home

Australians would have no idea about the story I am about to share with you.
Damn - most Americans who are not linked to Adoption Reform have no idea either.
But it is a story that needs to be told - and it is a story that should NEVER be played out again.

(please note that this is a story that is being played out RIGHT NOW - not 30 years ago - but TODAY)

At 17 & pregnant, Stephanie Bennett was introduced to an adoption agency (by her school counselor) who proceeded to advise her to run away from home to another state, have the baby, then sign over the rights to the child then and there.

No - lets talk together with your parents & the father of the child.

No - these are ALL the options that lay before you.

No - real support for a young girl who finds herself in a very terrifying position.

No - let's think of what is in the best interests of the mother and child at all.

These people used their power to coerce a young girl into doing something that would forever change her life - and that of the child - all in the name of supplying a child to a couple unable to have their own.

Has the trafficking in children become so horrific that the RIGHTS of another are completely ignored??

Stephanie's parents, on finding out all that had been done, immediately went to court to demand custody of their grandchild - AND THEY WON.

BUT - the adoption agency refused to return Stephanie Bennett's baby! And the case has been too-ing and fro-ing in the courts ever since.

How the hell can these people sleep at night??

What ever happened to 'IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD'??

They have raped one child (yep - 17 is still considered a child in all cases - except when signing over your parental rights in Ohio, USA) to gain another.

Stephanie and her parents are still fighting in court to have their baby Evelyn returned.

And they need our help.

Please pass this on to all people that you know.
The media have not taken this story up as they should have.
This is the most blatant denial of basic human rights and it's now up to 'people power' to get something done.

The FULL STORY - can be read here.

The PETITION - to return baby Evelyn Bennett home - is here.

The ADOPTION SHOW - listen to Judy Bennett (Stephanie's mum) on the Adoption Show last Sunday night.

The OFFICIAL WEBSITE - donations are needed to help fight.

Please pass this on to everyone that you know.

Baby Evelyn needs to go home. (let this little adoptee be with her mum)

Baby Evelyn turns one today. (you're in my thoughts baby girl)

Baby Evelyn needs to go home.

Other links to blogger's posting about this........ (in no particular order)

Adoption Road Kill

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Friday, April 13, 2007

Apparently - It's In The Stars!

The TAURUS zodiac forecast for today.........bought to you by Jonathan Cainer and Crew
(and it's Friday the 13th too!!!)

Do you really need me to confirm that your life is about to alter for the better? I think not. You are intuitive and have moved far enough along the path now to know the answer yourself. Even if it is a fairly tortuous route of two steps forward, one step back, you are making progress. You are gaining clarity and inspiration. Today an unexpected twist elevates your mood. This should be a persuasive reminder that you can't push the tide of change; it turns on its own.

Now I'll just make another wish upon a star............................

Thursday, April 12, 2007


Thanks for everyones support for my angry rant yesterday - it felt really good to get out.
I think I've been skirting around many of those points for years now.
Actually writing it down felt GREAT!!!

This morning - I got an email from A......

Hello Possum
Just a quick note to say we will be away off and on until about the end of May and I may not have access to email during that time. I still have a lot of thinking to do.

Yeah - Leroy you were right - this is going to take some time. (great - more bloody time - I'm not getting any younger here people.............)
I'm pretty sad about this - more delays - but yeah - I know - at least he's keeping me in the loop.
Just getting very tir-red of all of this - ya know???

Today though - I got my hair done. So I feel better-er than I have for a wee while. (actually I think it's been 4 months since I last got it done!!) I have some groovy red and light blonde streaky highlights - and it's layered in a very funky way.
My girls stared at me in amazement when I returned from the salon - but then starting jumping up and down saying that they wanted hair cuts just like mine!!!!
I love my girls - they make me feel so very loved.

Wonderful husband just winked at me and said that I was a very groovy looking Uni student!!
I love him like crazy also.

It's school holidays here - for 2 weeks - and I also have a 2 week break from lectures - but I'm working on a major assignment in between entertaining the troops.
Life is busy as usual.

So thanks again for all your support. I feel very blessed to have so many watching my back - and ready for my falls.

Poss. xxxx

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

'Lil Possum Rant

WARNING - don't read on if you want to feel happy about adoption today.

'Lil Possum wants to speak today - and it's not going to be pretty.

I'm angry that my mother gave me away.

I'm angry that those around her didn't give her the strength and support she needed to keep the child that belonged to her.

I'm angry that my mother married 6 months after my birth (maybe to my father).

I'm angry that she then had 3 more children - that she kept.

I'm angry that I don't even figure in her equation any more.

I'm angry that she had my sister J - 5 years before me - and also gave her away.

I'm angry that she didn't learn from the first time.

I'm angry that I didn't get to grow up in the big family that it should have been.

I'm angry that my a-mother couldn't have any more children of her own, and then at 38 decided that it was time to adopt some more children - to be known as her own.

I'm angry that she expected me to be the same as her other biological children - and then when I didn't comply - it was all my fault - and not her own.

I'm angry that my a-father died just before my first birthday - and really screwed up my party plans.

I'm angry that my a-mother wouldn't allow me to ask questions about my first mother - because it hurt HER too much.

I'm angry that she didn't recognize how much I was hurting inside - and that she didn't even try to sooth my aching soul.

I'm angry at my a-mother for dying when I was 18 - and not allowing me to have an adult relationship with her.

I'm angry that my a-mother didn't get to meet my great husband and my gorgeous kids.

I'm angry that when I found my first mother - she froze - and refused to welcome me with open arms.

I'm angry that my first mother didn't WANT to meet me, my great husband or my gorgeous kids.

I'm angry that when I contacted my other 3 siblings - they didn't have the guts to contact me themselves - and try to get to know me for me - instead telling my first mother that I contacted them - and then in turn making her angry at me - probably for ever existing.

I'm angry with me - for being the stubborn little shit that I am - and not giving up on finding out the information that I stupidly thought I was entitled to.

I'm angry with me - for being the selfish, ingrate that I have turned out to be.

I'm sad.........................................................................

Possum Disclaimer - don't dare comment unless you want to show me love - cause right now - that's what this sad little Possum needs most in the world. (or I'll just have to be angry at you too)

I've read enough - talked enough - done therapy enough (well - I could always use more therapy!!) - to know that life CAN and DOES suck at times - but today - I just want to voice my objection to it all - cause - damn it - I CAN.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Hit The Wall

Today - I hit the wall.

I wanted to curl in a ball and make it all go away.

I just wanted the hurt to all FRICK OFF at last.

I was ready to write A an email to say - forget it all - I'm throwing in the towel.

It's been two - long - frustrating - roller-coaster-ish - soul destroying (at times) - incredible - years.

Regularly, I'm scared that my husband will pack up and run screaming, arms flying, down the street and away from me forever. (damn it - I would if I were him....)

He promises me that he won't.

When I burst into tears today - ready to turn my back on all this bullshit - he smiled at me - held my face in his big warm hands - and said - "Honey - it's all OK - the last email was GREAT - it's all going to be fine - you can make it for many many more days".

He always knows the right thing to say. (thank you Universe for my fantastic husband)

My amazing girlfriend - 'smiffette' - and I had a wee phone convo this evening. She's another that always manages to call, at just the right time, and sooth my aching soul.

Smiffette reminded me that I had come way too far to walk away now. (thank you Universe for my ever patient amazing friends)

She's right you know. I have come way too far.

Major milestones - that eerily centre around the month of April........................

In April 2005 - I found my first mum and wrote her my first letter.
Outcome - eternal limbo.

In April 2006 - I found my bio-sister J - also an adoptee.
Outcome - WOW - what a ride. (we talk for 3 plus hours every other week)

In April 2007 - have I found my first dad?????
Outcome - the wait goes on...........................

There has been SO much more, of course, in between. The eternal turmoil within my soul. The way in which information found it's way to me. The constant writing - to try to be heard. The discovery of Blog-land - and the other's that share so much of what I feel. (thank you Universe for my wonderful Blogging friends)

So, for now, I'm OK.

I'm exhausted by the recent events - but I am OK.

Today I just had to curl into a ball (Possum's do that at times you know!) - have a good cry - then - as if by Universal design - and with the help of those that truly love me - I was able to shake it off for another day - and start to breathe again.

Thank you Universe for looking after me today.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

The 3's Of Me

The lovely ActonB tagged me with a meme. I haven't done one before - so I'll give it a bash.....

Three Things That Scare Me
Big spiders
Teenage years (I know what I was like.......)

Three People Who Make Me Laugh
My girls
My friends
Some very clever peoples in the blogosphere

Three Things I Love
My family
My friends
Good food

Three Things I Hate
Secrets & Lies
Never having enough time

Three Things I Don’t Understand
The Universe

Three Things On My Desk
Loads of books & papers (in fact - I can barely see the desk)
Oh - I found a few unpaid bills

And an apple

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
Meet my family of origin
Drive around Australia in a Campervan
Find peace within myself

Three Things I Can Do
Play piano
Speak Swedish
Have daughters

Three Things I Can’t Do
University Maths
Have sons

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To
Music (often)
Your gut instinct
Those that you love

Three Things You Should Never Listen To
The Internet
Any news or current affair program on channels 7, 9 & 10
The argument 'but all the other kids are allowed to...'

Three Things I’d Like To Learn (but won’t)
To fly
To not stress about mess
Infinite patience

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid
The Young Ones
The Goodies
Dr Who

Three Blogs I’ve tagged

OK - now - back to the books I go............................................