Wednesday, October 11, 2006

My family

In front of Lanyon Homestead, ACT, May 2005. I go.....

I am a thirty-something adoptee, living most of my life in Sydney - now living in Canberra.

Briefly - I was adopted from birth, my adoptive parents already had two bio kids - girl 14 yrs/boy 13 yrs when I was born, and they wanted to adopt a boy sometime after me.
Adoptive father died in helicopter crash days before my 1st b'day - putting a stop to any more adoptions - and a dampener on any possible 1st b'day celebrations...........

For the next 14 years we were a very close family - but when I started to ask too many questions about my bio family - it was made clear to me that it upset my a-mum, and so I became quiet. All in all - and apart from the confusion of "who am I" that reared it's head from time to time - I have many happy memories of my youth.

A nasty step-father (who had always been on the scene) married a-mum when I was 15.
A few messy years followed. (teenage years - what can I say........)
Then a-mum died when I was almost 19 - from breast cancer.

Always have been very close to both my a-sister and a-brother............and have never been treated by them as the "adopted" one. Our love for one-another is unconditional - and I love that they are in my life.

I married my wonderful husband at 21.
At 25 - pregnant with first child - decided that my mum was not coming to find me - so I started my search.
Adoptee dream of "mum only ever having me - and always regretting adoption" shattered - found that I had a sister - born 5 years BEFORE me - also adopted out in Sydney.

After receiving a small amount of info from the Dept of Community Services - and finding a "Veto" on file from my sister towards all "birth-family" - found that I really wasn't ready to find out any more - so buried said info in a file, and "tried to get on with my life".

Fast forward to 2005 - was involved in a rather large car accident - I started to take stock of my life - and realised that more searching was required - and I really had to start acknowledging that there really was a HUGE elephant always standing in my living room - and I had to deal with that which had always been shoved into the "later" pile.

I've found my mum - she married 6 months after my birth (no confirmation if this is my father)(ETA: yes - he is my father!!!), and she has since had 2 sons and another daughter. (all now in their 30's)
I have written more than 7 letters - I have received only 1.
She's not coping well with my finding her - and even after promising to give me some info after 6 months or so - it's been over 18 months since her one and only letter.

I have recently bitten the bullet and written to my 3 siblings - "outing" myself to them as another family member - and although I have heard nothing from them - they have told their parents that I have written. A few weeks ago I received a letter from my mum's husband - stating that she still is not coping very well - but agrees that more contact should be made to me so that I don't feel that I have been totally forgotten.

In the meantime - I at last found my older sister (also adopted) late last year - and had first contact in April this year. That re-union is just GREAT - and I shall write more about that later.
She had NO idea about me - and placing the Veto was purely a knee-jerk reaction when the laws changed in the early 90's.

I have been reading many blogs of late - since I was introduced to the world of BLOG at University this year. (1st year teaching degree - must keep oneself busy so that one doesn't THINK too much about personal matters!!! LOL)
I have decided to try this out - and see where it takes me.
Wish me luck!!!

Thanks for listening.

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