As An Adoptee - I NEED TO BE HEARD

Over at 'Mia's Saving Grace' there has been a hot discussion about 'correct' and 'incorrect' adoption practices - see posts "And then I wept" - then "Reply" - and the comments have really got me thinking. (and a little bit heated - I must say!!)

The discussion has also bought up many points which DO need to be discussed in the open - there are things that do need to be set straight - there are real FACTS and MYTHS that need to be spoken about and pulled apart - and the TRUTH does - finally - NEED TO BE HEARD.

There does need to be honest and open discussion - and emotions need to be kept at a reasonable minimum - so very hard when we are talking about an issue with SO many different raw emotions - often lurking just below everyone's skin.

And sometimes we do need to step back - and try - very hard - to step into the other persons shoes - to 'try' to see where they're coming from.

I am trying to see things from others perspectives - and I may be a little stubborn at times (I'm a Taurus - just to warn you now) - but if we can all take a breath and some space at times - maybe we can 'hear' what needs to be heard. Only then we can all try to find some solutions to the very messy way that adoption is carried out to this day.

Anyway - back to Mia's 'discussions'.

Mia was asked -

“Would it really make you feel better about your adoption if your parents adopted you because they primarily were just looking to “provide a needy child with a home?”

And I just NEED TO BE HEARD -

"As an adoptee - yes - I think this would help.

I truly believe - that if my first mother had been given the support - had been explicitly told - “YES - you very well could raise this child yourself - AND do a damn good job at it too” - and the means to do it - I think that I would NOT have been a child 'in need' at all.

I would NOT be an adoptee.

Society have placed the banner of ‘child in need’ on so many children’s heads because the parents are deemed to be too young - be in college - be single - not to have ‘enough’ money - pregnant at the ‘wrong’ time in their lives. But if these young mothers/fathers were told the truth about adoption - I believe that most would step up to the plate - and parent the child that has come into their lives.

When infertile parents want to have a child - pressuring - even slightly - these young parents - is the worst thing that can be done. Too many emotions running way too high - decisions being made at inappropriate times.

First mothers are NOT told about the extensive psychological effects that they WILL be subject too, on forever separating from their child - or the extensive psychological effects that the adoption WILL have on the adoptee.

If the child is truly 'IN NEED' - that is - the parent can NOT in fact parent - then another plan needs to be put into place.

I think the term of ‘needy’ needs to be pulled apart - to really get at the crux of what people perceive adoption to be.

As long as society has such little respect for the mother/child bond - adoption will always be deemed as the ‘next best thing’ - when that judgment is often taken far too swiftly - without proper disclosure of ALL the facts.

And I also strongly believe that if adoption was not a commercialized venture - there would NOT be as many adoptions taking place as there are to this day.

JMHO - from an adoptee who has felt the pain from being absent from her first mother - every single day of her life.

Especially when it didn’t really need to happen.

Possum."