Friday, March 02, 2007

Another Adoptee and Mother (almost) Reunited

Today I received THE bestest news!!!

I have been involved with an adoption support group, for adoptee and birth/first mums, here in Canberra for the last two and a half years.

When I went along for my first meeting, a lovely lady in her 80's was also joining in for the first time. Let's call her 'Mary'. (all names have been changed..................you know the drill..................)

She looked rather dazed, but was so very sweet, and she introduced herself to the group with the words:
"Hi, my name is Mary, and I think I'm one of those 'birth mother' people, and this is all quite overwhelming and new to me!"

You see, Mary had just come back from a trip overseas to the US to see her son, his wife and her new grand-son, and on the flight home she suffered from a severe panic attack - which later was attributed to the loss of losing her first child, a son, to adoption, when she was only 19.

Back then, in the UK, she was young; she was unmarried; she was pregnant.
She was told by her family, her church, by her teachers at her nursing school - by everyone - that she couldn't possibly raise this child on her own - so when the time came - she labored for hours, alone, in an out-of-the-way room, and later when she at last gave birth, only a single nurse was there to 'help' her (I use that word rather lightly) - then her child was whisked away to another room.

A couple of weeks later she signed the adoption papers. Mary then went on to finish her nursing studies, and eventually moved far far away to Australia - and to another life.

She married, had another son, and told no one of the events which took place all those years ago.

Fast forward to recent times - and having to say goodbye to her son and newly born grandchild in the US set off emotions and feelings of such loss, that she really didn't know what was wrong.
Panic set in - and on returning to Australia - a very kind doctor finally managed to talk through things with Mary, and find out what previous event in Mary's life lay at the root of this shocking breakdown.

Since that time, Mary joined our support group; found that she certainly wasn't alone in her loss and with her feelings; and she slowly went through the process of searching for her lost son.

Thankfully, within this time, UK laws changed for mother's to gain access to their records etc - but it is an extremely long and drawn out process - especially when Mary was living so far away from the UK - she had to fill out endless amounts of paperwork - and even had to see a UK approved psychologist 3 times, to completely talk through exactly the events when she was 19 years of age - and answer to why she now wanted to find her child. (yeah - this part made me so very angry - but that's for another day........) Poor Mary had to literally jump through hoops to find her lost son - but she slowly and quietly went through the process hoping that she would find her son a) still alive and b) hoping to also have the possibility of reuniting with him after so many many years.

Time dragged on, and every time I saw her, she would say in her very quiet voice, "No - still no word" - as the wait dragged on.

Today - I received a phone call from the convener of our group.

Mary's son has at last been found.

Mary's letters have been passed on through the local department and her son has asked for Mary's email address so that he could have direct contact with his lost mum.

Today I am so very very happy for my dear friend Mary, and for her son.

Today another mother and child are finally linked back to each other.

It shouldn't have to be this hard for them to find each other.

But today I am so very very happy.

15 Comments:

Anonymous Addie Pray said...

Tell Mary I'm happy for her too.

3/3/07, 7:30 am  
Blogger Ungrateful Little Bastard said...

So many years to have that unaddressed... but total props and respect to whomever that doctor was who took the time to get to the root of her panic response and not simply prescribe a little pill.

Very wonderful story. Thank you.

3/3/07, 8:39 am  
Blogger Third Mom said...

This is an absolutely amazing story. Amazing, and just wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing it with us!!

3/3/07, 3:13 pm  
Blogger LeRoy Dissing said...

Thanks for sharing as it is a wonderful story. I wish any adoption magazine would print stories like this. I am so hoping she and her son can meet soon. Keep us posted please!

3/3/07, 11:31 pm  
Blogger juliaNY07 said...

Lovely story, if Mary is into hugs, give her one from me.

4/3/07, 5:46 am  
Blogger Joy said...

What a sweet story, isn't insane what we are put through?

And to what end? For whose benefit?

4/3/07, 9:01 am  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Possum, Hpw wonderful for Mary and her son! very sweet story. Thank you for sharing. I totally agree, it should not be that hard to find one another. Something must change. Love and hugs, Rebecca

4/3/07, 12:13 pm  
Blogger momseekingpeace said...

Yeah!!!!!!!!!
I love these stories.

I have a thought, since Mary has a computer you ought to invite her to blog land, it would be fun to have her here, she could see we are everywhere.
msp

4/3/07, 4:29 pm  
Blogger Julie said...

Seems to give new meaning to "bittersweet."

5/3/07, 3:00 am  
Blogger angel said...

Great story Chez, it reminds us to never give up hope and one day our wishes will come true.

I'm really happy for Mary.

Hope you're well sweet, and the back-to-uni-study isn't driving you mad!! xx

5/3/07, 2:49 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a great story. Just goes to show time does definitely NOT heal all. I had to deal with UK Authorities from Australia too, and I think from your story, they definitely offer more assistance to adoptees than to mothers and fathers searching. I was able to get my information (thankfully!) in a very short period of time. How much luckier are we than our American friends in terms of access to OUR information? Cheers, Gayle

6/3/07, 12:41 pm  
Blogger Possum said...

Addie - I will. It's good to hear the successful outcomes - hey??

Theresa - you're most welcome. Thank goodness for doctors that are on the ball.

Third Mom - you're welcome!! Thanks for dropping in.

Leroy - I will keep you updated when more news comes to hand.

Miss J - she's kinda fragile - but I certainly want to give her a hug when I next see her - and I promise to pass on yours!!

Joy - what benefit indeed??? Certainly no SANE benefit.

Rebecca - oh so wish that change could happen in 'ole US of A. It hurts my heart that so many fellow adoptees can't have access to what should be rightfully theirs. This reunion stuff is hard enough without the added pain of searching with next to no info at all.

MSP - what a great idea - I will talk to her soon and mention it to her.

Julie - yeah - very bittersweet. So many many many years lost. She has also been waiting to tell her second son - as she didn't want to mention it all to him until she knew first son was still alive - and both sons live so very far away - it warrants a face to face meeting rather than a phone call really.

Alex - so lovely to see your smiling face here!!! (I know you have a smile on your face when you visit - I just KNOW!!!) Never giving up hope - has become my new mantra for this year - I have to hang onto that - I just have to.
On another note - Uni is driving me completely NUTS - but hanging out with you mob really helps at times!!! LOL - yeah - I'd better get back to them books!!!

Gayle - lovely to be meeting you!! Yep - you are so very right about our U.S. adoptee cousins. Things just HAVE to change - they just DO. Thanks for stopping by - and for leaving a message. Hope to see you blogging one day also!!! (hint hint!!!)

Thanks - as always - everyone. Your presence here always makes me smile. Biggest hugs, Poss. xx

6/3/07, 11:30 pm  
Anonymous Dory said...

What a beautiful and heart warming story. Best wishes to Mary and her son!!! So sad that she has to wait over 60 years - so much lost time.

7/3/07, 1:47 am  
Blogger kim.kim said...

Wonderful news.

8/3/07, 7:42 am  
Anonymous mia said...

How beautiful! Wow...

13/3/07, 5:24 am  

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