Today I Can Breath

Another email from A (mother's husband) received at last.
Today - I can breath once more.......................

Dear C,

You are probably wondering why I made contact with you by email about a week or so ago but I feel some contact should be made with you so that at least there is a channel of communication with you and hopefully this may alleviate a lot of the frustration and heartache you have experienced the last year or so.

P does not know I have contacted you and she would be very angry and very upset if she found out that I have betrayed her and made contact with you. I wanted to contact you again before Christmas but P got very upset when I suggested that I would contact you so I let it go until now. She has her own email address and I have my own email address so we are both independent of each other as far as emails are concerned. After a lot of deep thought I have decided to take the course of action I have, and communicate with you without telling her.

P has said to me she will write to you but I have been worried that you may become overly frustrated with the delay in communication and I don't believe that is fair for you.

P is not overly well and I have noticed that she is slipping physically, mentally and emotionally these last few years so I hope you can try to understand the difficulty she is having in finding the courage to write to you. I have been trying to help her with her issues but she is a very determined person and at times I feel I am not much help to her at all.

I am happy to continue to communicate with you by email C if that is suitable to you. Unfortunately it may not be what you had hoped for but in the short to medium term it is the best option I can think of.

I am still optimistic and hopeful that you can both get a happy outcome even if it is more protracted than you would have hoped.

I hope you and your family are all well. No doubt the children are back at school by now so perhaps mum can get a bit of personal time to herself.

We have had a bit of rain here in T (town) this last week and the lawns have again greened up. It did not rain in the catchment area of our dams and we are still on high water restrictions.

Take Care

Best wishes

A.

SO - communication is opening up - and hope reigns supreme once more!!!
I feel very sad that P can't find the strength she needs - and I'm sad that A has to email me behind her back - but I have to take anything I can get at this stage - so this is how it will have to be.
I also suspect that A perhaps did not receive the letter I wrote him in November - see this post - and I will question him on this in the near future.
For now though - I will keep it light and chatty - I will talk about what's happening in 'House Chez' - and I will try to get to know A for the wonderful person that he appears to be. (thankyou to my amazing friend D for suggesting this course of action!!)
I feel that P has been holding on to so many secrets for so very long - that she just can't cope with everything falling down around her. I suspect also that A doesn't know that their are two of us (daughters of P - adoptees) but that is not up to me to tell. This journey I'm on is about me - and I shall not upset the already delicate balance that I now find myself in.
I'm thanking my angels - and all you amazing blogging friends - for just being able to breath again today.
And now I'm off to do a little happy dance - just for me!!