Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dear Mother

Dear Mother,

This little girl always wondered about who you were.
This little girl always wondered what you looked like - and if she looked like you.
This little girl always wondered why she was given away.
This little girl always wondered if you were thinking about her.
This little girl always worried that she had done something wrong - even though she was always told she was special and chosen and loved - but that didn't make sense - as you - her mother - didn't keep her - didn't fight for her.
This little girl had nightmares - night after night - that she had been kidnapped - and was tied up - waiting to be rescued.
This little girl slept on the floor beside her mum - because the nightmares went on for years - and she was scared out of her mind - but couldn't explain why.
This little girl was forever scared that everyone she loved would end up leaving her.
This little girl waited for you to come and get her - or at the very least - come looking for her - for 35 years.
This little girl worried about hurting her second family - who she loves dearly - by looking for you and her first family - so she delayed the search for 35 years.
This little girl worried about upsetting her first family - by making herself known.
This little girl just wanted the chance to get to know you - as she is part of you - as you are part of her.
This little girl has had her heart and soul broken by you - because you couldn't face her questions - her existence - her being.
This little girl has had her heart and soul broken because you decided that no-one was allowed to know of her - even her father (whom you married) - and her 3 full sibs - because it upset you.
This little girl is sorry and sad that you hurt so much - but for once - just wished - that you - her mother - would just love her in return.
This little girl won't be bothering you again.
This little girl is broken - perhaps beyond repair.

From Your Little Girl.
She's sorry her existence causes you so much pain.

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19 Comments:

OpenID Sang-Shil said...

Oh Poss, this was beautiful and heartbreaking.

thinking of you lots...

((((((POSS)))))

29/7/08, 10:14 pm  
Blogger Chelle said...

Beautifully said, Possum. Breaks my heart. Thank you for sharing this.

29/7/08, 10:40 pm  
Blogger Ungrateful Little Bastard said...

I know, and I'm so sorry. It hurts so bad :(

29/7/08, 11:21 pm  
Blogger BethGo said...

*Sniff*
Oh Poss. You deserve better.
I love you, sister.

30/7/08, 1:33 am  
Anonymous jim said...

(((((Possum)))))

my heart aches for you.

30/7/08, 2:49 am  
Anonymous denise said...

THIS IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE SADDEST THING I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, AND IF IT SADDENS ME SO MUCH TO READ IT, I CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT IT DOES TO YOU TO LIVE IT.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF,
DENISE

30/7/08, 5:12 am  
Blogger Lori A said...

This hurts me so much (((HUGS)))
I'm sorry little girl.

30/7/08, 8:32 am  
Blogger Jane said...

Poss (((((((((((Poss)))))))))))
I know and I understand the rejection of a mother that will not allow us into their heart and life.
Im sorry you are hurting so much but I do understand and I do truly know what you are feeling..I hope one day she will open her heart to you x

30/7/08, 2:20 pm  
OpenID littlewing04 said...

It's beyond me why any mother would reject her own child.

Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry...

31/7/08, 12:16 am  
OpenID heatherrainbow said...

I'm so sorry ((((Possum)))) big hugs to you.

31/7/08, 6:40 am  
Blogger Julie McCoy said...

i am so sorry. and how do we ever get past this? anyone? anyone? hugs to you.

31/7/08, 4:28 pm  
Blogger juliaNY07 said...

I am so sorry and sad adn angry at her too. Jxx

1/8/08, 11:47 am  
Blogger Gershom said...

(((((possom)))))

you're on my heart.

1/8/08, 4:44 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautifully written, I am so sorry...

Kristy

3/8/08, 5:19 am  
Blogger elizabeth said...

Heartbreaking.

{{{Poss}}}

4/8/08, 2:31 pm  
Blogger Sunny said...

Oh, Poss.

xx

5/8/08, 7:18 am  
Anonymous Judy said...

Oh, Possum. What a beautiful, sad poem. It truly is heartbreaking. Huge *hugs* for you and that little girl.

Love you,
Judy

9/8/08, 2:08 am  
Blogger Nicole said...

Oh Poss, that hurts me...to the core...because I could have written it, and I'm afraid that if I find her it may be so.

Love you so much!!

9/8/08, 10:52 am  
Blogger It's Me said...

I got chills reading that

26/8/08, 4:34 am  

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