Sunday, September 07, 2008

Adopted AND Abused??

The adoptee (almost human) that wrote the wonderful and heartfelt words from my last post - What An Adoptee Wants To Know - has a website - Adopted-Abused - for those adoptees that ended up in abusive adoptive households - and they have a survey running for those that lived through such pain.

A message from almost human -

"Please, if YOU or SOMEONE YOU KNOW has been adopted and abused, we are gaining a presence, putting it out there that yes, abuse in adoption is a REAL issue.
Pass it on!!!

As of this moment, the hit counter at is up to 13,630
(that was last week - now it's at 14,617 - quite staggering). That's up by nearly double in the past two weeks!
I've been looking at the referrers, and we get quite a few random hits from search engines...

We've got 14 registered, some of whom are waiting for me to update the survey (which will be finished this evening)
207 questions (view the Survey Analysis to see the questions and the break-out of responses)
3 blogs (under Read Our Stories)"

Please - make a difference - and pass this on.

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What An Adoptee Wants To Know?

Question on Y!A -

" When and if you met/meet your real mom, what did you want to know?"

Answer by 'almost human' -

"to her i will ask, "what were the circumstances behind my conception, birth, and relinquishment? I want to know the beginning of my story and be able to tell my children about this history, so they may have a stronger link to their heritage."

secretly my heart will be bleeding and i will be asking, "why did you put me in the hands of strangers? why did you not do what it takes to keep me? how could you have a happy day in your life after having given away your flesh and blood?

but all of the above is just a fantasy. there is not even a breadcrumb from which to find my mother, much less ask her any questions.

to know you have been abandoned is the worst feeling in the world. i wish i didn't have to replay this meeting in my head over and over.

i wish this question/pain
didn't exist/didn't need to be asked
to/for/by anyone."

And that - right there - goes to that deep dark place that so many adoptees just don't want to even attempt to go to - ever.
The stuff that adoptees try to keep hidden - from themselves - from their families - from the world.
The stuff that they don't want to say out loud - because they know - deep in their souls - that it will hurt the people they love most - BUT - to keep it hidden - is to have a gaping wound that can never ever be healed.

I think being able to admit such deep feelings can help with the healing of our hurts - instead of always trying to keep everyone else feeling at ease - and keeping our own pain on the backburner.

I thank all of those adoptees that are reaching into their souls - baring all - being honest and open. (you give me strength)

Just maybe some will listen. Those that can help with the healing of past practices - and those that can try to decrease the occurrence of such hurts being made in the future.

Prevention is far easier than trying to heal deep gaping wounds.

Adoptees tell their stories NOT to hurt - but to heal.

I hope that people get that??

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