An Upgrade And Some Growing Up

Well - Welcome to my updated digs!!

A VERY talented lady, by the name of Chesty LaRue, designed this wonderful template for me - and yes - those pics are of a younger - more angelic - me!!!

When I found and scanned in these photos, I was thinking about how happy I looked in them - and it made me think a lot about my youth.
Yes, I had a wonderful childhood. I was surrounded by oodles of love. It was mostly all good.

So why the unhappiness at times in my blog??

I am happy outside of this blog - but this is my place to dump.

This is where I have thankfully found others that travel this sad & rough road of displacement that I feel.
I was taken from my family - apparently for my own good. But I was never asked my opinion.
I was never asked if I would mind.
I was just made to feel grateful - and told to be happy with the life that was changed forever by a decision that was not one of my own.

I've heard many comments of late about 'angry adoptees'. Comments that often say that those of us that outwardly show our anger, either in our words or in our actions - MUST have had a horrible childhood - or a horrible adoption experience.

But there are more and more of us turning up in blog-land...........and many of our stories have a similar 'ring' to them. Themes and experiences that are too alike to dismiss.
Adoptees that live all over the world, that are rejoicing in the knowledge that we are not freaks. We are not alone in the feelings we feel.
Some lives that have been less fortunate than others (the only pool I got was the one shown up the top!!!), while some have had all that they should want - and more.

But there lies my point - SHOULD.

Often, we are asked to justify our discontent - when we obviously received many things that others would have only dreamed about.
(I'd be rich if I was payed a dollar for every time I heard "I wish I was adopted" from yet another unsuspecting soul.)
We had parents who wanted us more than they could bare.
We were given material possessions, good educations, overseas holidays, and enough love to fill endless container loads.
But that love was/is so often given with conditions - in secret, small, unreadable ink.
Conditions that are just a secret adoption thing.
Conditions that 'real' children mostly are never made to feel.
Conditions we, as the baby, were never explicitly told, let alone agreed to - ones that held us tight till the end of our days.
Conditions that spoke of adoptees being ungrateful if they didn't praise their parents for saving them from the unknown.
Conditions that never allow the adoptee to grow up and have opinions of their own.

We were often adopted to fill a need. Adopted because our parents couldn't become parents in the normal, easy way.
Most adoptive parents have to jump through hoops - they say - just to bestow their lives on a little one that is deemed less fortunate than themselves. But how dare they say that their lives are better than another's - just because they say??

What of the amazing acrobatics that we adoptees have to perform to keep pleasing everybody - as we live in constant fear that those that we care for will leave us without notice.
Damn - we even try to please those we barely know - because we've been instructed by everyone in society to be forever grateful for whatever is bestowed upon us.

The truth - our heritage, our family, our kin - have been ripped from us. We do not have those that will mirror our very being. We will always be made to feel the freak.
Yet we have to be thankful for all time that it was done in our best interest?!

Sadly adoptees seem to be always classed as the 'child' - a minor - that should just shut up - be quiet - be grateful - sit down.
We seem to never grow up in people's eyes. Our opinion is often simply pushed aside, as crazy, or uneducated, or just plain worthless and taking up time.

Well, I'm now all grown up and thinking for myself. And I'm now forming opinions which are my own. I'm taking my first tentative steps into finding out what I do and don't like. And I think that I have a right to be heard.

Everyone has a right to their own opinion (even us ungrateful adoptees) - don't dismiss mine just because it doesn't fit nicely with your own.

To all those that encourage and assist me - thank you. You inspire me - and give me strength - to carry on in my search - both for my family - and for my self.

Poss. xx

Updated to add - PLEASE go and read this - 'Relinquishment vs Adoption' - over at 'Paragraphein'. It's a really good post.