Contact Denial

I have just read the most moving post - and it has effected me in a very deep way. If you have a chance - please visit and have a read - titled THE REAL DEAL.
It was written by Mia - an adoptee from the US - who has an amazing way with the written word.
In the US, many states have closed adoption records - meaning that adoptees are not even allowed the most basic of information about their birth family. Something that every other citizen in the US is allowed by law - but adoptees seem to be singled out as second-class citizens by those that enforce the law.
Here in Australia, we are at least entitled to our identifying information - copies of documents from the time of our birth - with circumstances, names and dates - even a copy of our original birth certificate . It is THEN up to us - the adoptee - if we wish to search out and contact our family of origin - we can search on our own.
What effected me so greatly in Mia's blog - was the feelings and emotions she described attached to the whole search process. Emotions which have spun through my mind throughout this entire journey to find and contact my mother.
I was the passive searcher in the beginning - and then moved into the active searcher in the last couple of years.
What has effected me even more is the realisation of the heartache I live with every day, as my mother chooses not to have contact with me.
She hasn't completely closed the door in my face. But she has asked for TIME - and dangles this unobtainable glimmer of HOPE - and I continue waiting day after day after day after day.
She - my mother - is crushing my heart - my soul - and the very being that is ME.
When am I going to be able to let this all go?
When am I going to be able to say that I'VE HAD ENOUGH?
How can a mother ignore the hand offered to her by her own child?
I just don't understand.