Sunday, February 04, 2007

Letter To My Siblings

I waited for a reply for over 18 months.
I waited.......and waited.......and waited.
I had given up.
I had written to my first-mother (P) more than 6 times.
My last letter was informing her that I had at last found her first daughter - my sister J - letting her know that J was gorgeous - she had 3 beautiful children - we had met - and that - MOST IMPORTANTLY - J was not going to "pop" into her life as I had - OUT OF THE BLUE - as I felt that she must have been dreading that event in light of my "sudden" appearance.
(I also enclosed a small copy of the photo found at the above mentioned post - and of our 6 kids sitting so comfortably together)
J had - like myself - always wondered about "birth" family etc etc etc - but although older than I - both of J's a-parents are still alive - and VERY worried about me being in her life - let alone her mother - and with other personal life events taking precedence at present - J is not on the same page of her adoption as I am - if you know what I mean. (I just know other adoptee's will know EXACTLY what I mean - but I can't explain it more than that - sorry)
Still not a word from P was to be heard.
So I waited some more......................

One day I woke from another unsettled sleep......................

I HAD HAD ENOUGH - and I could wait for her no more.
I seriously felt that I was just banging my head against a big brick wall - and I could take the punishment no more.
YES - I had aggreed that I would not contact any of her family - her request to me intitially - BUT - she never held up her end of the bargain - she never contacted me after 6 months - and now it was over 18 months since I had first heard from her - and I could not go down that avenue another time.

I decided to contact my 3 younger siblings directly myself. (2 brothers & 1 sister - all now in their 30's - grown up, with perhaps families of their own, and quite possible of making decisions on their own - I suspect)

I had their full names from the family tree I found - I had my sister's married name from a school reunion internet site - and I had their current addresses thanks to the Australian Electoral Rolls - open to all - on computer - at the Australian Electoral office near you.
(voting is compulsory for all Australian citizens over the age of 18 years - for those that aren't aware - hence - almost EVERYONE is on the electoral roll here)

I then spent more than 3 weeks getting THE letter just right.

There were many drafts - and I had help from many dear friends to edit where needed - but at last I printed out the final draft to send on 16th October 2006. One letter - addressed to all three. There would be no secrets between them all - they would all learn of my existence as one.

(I originally was going to include details of sister J in the letter - but a very close friend said to me - "Who is searching - you or J???". She suggested that if the letter mentioned both of us in one foul swoop - I would scare them off for good - and perhaps lose all hope of any further contact ever being made. This letter was to be about me and my wish for contact. At first this didn't feel right - and I discussed this at length with J herself - but finally I decided that I would just talk about me - as it was my letter - and deal with the rest when the time came - IF it ever came.)

So - I had "outed" myself as the unknown sister - and waited for the sky to fall................................


Blogger Rebecca said...

Chez, Once again you have me waiting on the edge of my seat! What happened? I think you were wise to just talk about yourself. Let J build her own bridges when she's ready. Can't wait to hear more. Hugs, Rebecca

6/2/07, 4:46 am  

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